If Winter Ends
by Talee18x
Summary: Some things you just can't control....[RM SS RS]
1. Something Old

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of it. I wouldn't be writing about it if I did.

**Summary:** Some things you just can't control...RM, SS, RS(sort of)

He couldn't remember when he had fallen out of love with her, and in love with someone else. He didn't want it to happen, but even though he tried to deny it, some things were just out of his control. The more she acted out to get his attention, the less it worked. And the more he felt he had to prove his love for her, the faster it disappeared. And now, the night before their wedding, Ryan Atwood laid in bed trying to convince himself that it never would've worked with Marissa Cooper.

* * *

She loved him more than anything, or that's what she told herself over and over as she sat on her bed in an expensive hotel room, looking at her expensive dress hanging on the back of the door. She looked down at her engagement ring and smiled. She knew it wouldn't be easy, it never had been. She had trust issues, he had anger issues. They knew that about each other. Over the past year she had noticed that the look in his eyes had darkened. They no longer lit up when she walked into the room. And now, the morning she was going to marry her white knight, Marissa Cooper knew that Ryan Atwood would love her again. He had to.

* * *

He didn't remember what time he finally fell asleep, just that when a knock came on the door, he knew whatever amount of sleep he had gotten wasn't enough. He got up and threw a shirt over his head, stumbling towards the door. He rubbed his eyes, tripping over a show. He cursed under his breath before throwing the door open. "Hey man, you just woke up?" Seth asked, pushing by Ryan to get in the room. 

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep last night, I'm nervous I guess."

"Well, there's about three hours until everything starts, so get in the shower," Seth replied, opening the blinds. Ryan closed his eyes as sunlight flooded the room.

"Listen, I have to talk to you about something," Ryan started, his voice wavering.

"Sure, what's up?" Seth asked, his voice softening.

"I can't do..." Ryan started, cut off by a knock at the door. Seth held one finger up and walked to the door, swinging it open. Summer smiled at him, a smile he quickly returned before turning to Ryan and shrugging.

"Chino, you just woke up? Marissa's been up for hours. She's a basket case," Summer rambled.

"Yeah anyways, what can't you do Ryan?" Seth asked, his arms folded across his chest. Summer quickly turned around.

"Nevermind, sorry." Ryan said quickly, casting a sideways glance at Summer before walking to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower, I'll be out in a minute."

"Hurry up, Chino," Summer warned before flashing him a smile. "I'm going to help Marissa. I'll see you later, Cohen." Seth nodded before planting a quick kiss on her lips. She smiled at him and left him there to wonder what Ryan was so afraid of.

* * *

Marissa stepped into her dress, aware of all the pressure this dress represented. Suddenly she was a mess of expensive material and waterproof mascara. She was also aware that Ryan hadn't wanted any of this. He wanted to get married on a beach somewhere, with maybe six people watching them. Instead, four hundred were planning on attending, and inside, Marissa was happy about this. This was the wedding she had dreamed of since she was a little girl, and she remembered the day Ryan had spelled out his "dream wedding." She had to work overtime to hide her disappointment, and in the end, she had gotten her way. That was how their relationship went, but she loved him. She she could get past the look in his eyes, or the disheartened way he replied when she told him how much she loved him. "Ryan's going to die when he sees you in this dress!" someone exclaimed, interrupting her thoughts. She looked up and saw that it was her mother. She looked into her mothers eyes and couldn't remember a time when Julie had looked so proud. Marissa smiled in reply and looked at the clock. Twenty five minutes.

* * *

Seth walked back towards Ryan's room, his father following close behind. They had been down making sure everything was set while Ryan finished getting ready. Seth knocked before realizing that the door was slightly ajar. "Hey man, we're back. Everything looks really good, including the gift table," Seth called, walking into the main part of the large suite. "Ryan?" he called, and turned to his father when he received no reply. He walked towards the breakfast bar, noticing a stack of paper out of the corner of his eye. It was a note to him. It read: 

_Seth, _

_I was going to tell you earlier. I can't do this, any of it. I know this isn't the honorable thing to do, the right thing. I should've told her before. I can't marry someone that I don't love. Things have changed between us over the past year. I want you to give her the letter under this one, and please tell her that I love her, just not in the way she needs me to. Thanks. -Ryan_

Seth jumped when he heard Sandy take a deep breath. He hadn't known his father had been reading over his shoulder. Seth said down on a stool, resting his head on the counter. His father suddenly spoke, "We have to tell Marissa, everything's scheduled to start in fifteen minutes." Seth looked around the room before settling his gaze on the letter. He cast a fleeting glance at his father before grabbing both notes. He ran to the door, slamming it and running towards the elevators. He pushed the down button a total of six times before the doors opened. About two minutes passed before he reached Marissa's door. He knocked hard on the solid mahogany door, breathing a sigh of relief when Summer answered.

"Cohen, what are you doing here?" she asked as Seth grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the doorway, making sure to close the door behind her. He said nothing as he handed her both notes. He watched as she read them over, feeling sick as he waited for her reply. He needed her at this moment, probably more than he ever had before. Summer finally looked up at him, her eyes tearing. "He's supposed to be at the altar right now. You're supposed to be there. Go, Cohen."

"He's not there, Summer. He's gone," Seth replied, struggling to keep it together. "I need to go in there. I need to tell Marissa." Summer stepped aside in shock as Seth opened the door. Marissa smiled at him.

"Seth, aren't you supposed to be out there already? How's Ryan?" she asked, and Seth felt like he was going to be sick.

"Marissa..." he whispered, noticing that every woman in the room was staring at him, waiting. Summer stood in the corner, staring at Marissa, waiting for it.

"What's the matter, Seth?"

"I...Ryan asked me to give you this," Seth faltered, and he hated himself when he saw Marissa's eyes light up, thinking it was a pre-wedding present or a heartfelt letter. She took the letter in her hands, unfolding it. Seth watched as she smiled, and then he watched as her eyes filled with tears and the letter fell to the ground. Summer rushed over, catching Marissa before the sank to the ground. Kirsten looked at Seth before reading the letter herself. Summer steered Marissa into the bedroom as Kirsten quietly said, "Ryan's not coming," to the ladies in the room, all of whom were wondering what caused Marissa's breakdown. Julie rushed into the bedroom, furious, as Kirsten walked out the door to find Sandy, certain that he was the one who would let everyone else know what their son had done. Seth picked the letter up off of the floor, glancing at it one last time before throwing it in the trash. He assumed that it was one wedding present Marissa wouldn't be too keen on keeping.

About two hours later, Summer emerged from the bedroom. Seth stood up from the chair he had occupied for most of that time. "How is she?" he asked quickly, taking Summer's hand.

"Not good. We got her to go to sleep about a half hour ago. Where is everyone?"

"My parents are down in the ballroom, taking care of everything. Mostly everyone else is gone. I need to go find him, Summer," Seth said, his eyes pleading for her to come with him.

"Let me get my purse," she whispered, letting go of his hand to cross the room. They walked out of the room and towards the elevators, not saying anything and everything. Partly because they both knew who each other's alliances lied with. Marissa was Summer's best friend. Ryan was Seth's brother. They reached the lobby and walked towards the double doors leading to the parking lot. Seth looked at her with uncertainty.

"Maybe we should split up. I'll go look at the house and the diner, maybe you could go look at the boardwalk?" Seth asked, and she smiled.

"Okay, call me if you find him. It's going to be okay, Seth."

"I hope so," he replied, turning and walking towards his car. She did the same, getting in her car and backing out of the parking lot.

Seth pulled into his parent's driveway. He hadn't lived here in five years, but it was still home to him. California, even though he denied it, would always be home to him. He ran to the pool house, not bothering to knock before opening the door. Nothing. Everything was the same as it had been. Seth closed the door, walking into the house. He went from room to room, calling for Ryan, but he got no reply. He sighed, sitting down at the counter, his head in his hands. He stayed like this for ten minutes, deciding that he needed to deal with what was going on. Ryan needed to deal with what was going on. He walked out of the house and to his car. Backing out of the driveway, he drove to the diner that they had frequented in high school and on college breaks. He spotted Ryan's truck in a parking space. He smiled to himself, proud that he knew Ryan so well and parked his car. He walked into the diner and walked around. No Ryan. He walked to the counter and the woman there smiled at him, recognizing him. "Hi, have you seen Ryan, my brother?" he asked, hopeful.

"No, I'm sorry. My, you clean up nicely!" the woman replied, grinning. Seth looked down. He had forgotten about the wedding attire. He smiled in return and walked to his car. Maybe he didn't know Ryan as well as he thought. He guessed that maybe no one did.

* * *

Summer walked along the boardwalk, searching for Ryan. She hadn't seen his car, but she knew that whenever Ryan was missing, this is where they found him. She took her heels off and walked onto the beach, heading towards the lifeguard tower. And there he was. She sighed to herself and walked up the ramp. She knew that he saw her, but he gave no indication that he wasn't alone. She stood there, staring at him until he finally looked up. "Hi." 

"Hi, Ryan," she replied, not sure of what to say.

"How is she?" he asked, biting his lip.

"Not great, Ryan. She's a fucking mess," Summer answered, a bitter undertone clouding her voice.

"I'm sorry," he said, his gaze even with the waves.

"Don't apologize to me," she sighed, leaning on the railing. "What happened?"

"I couldn't do it. It wouldn't be fair."

"It wasn't fair either way," Summer whispered, and he looked up at her.

"You look really beautiful, Summer," Ryan said, giving her a small smile.

"Oh, I probably looked ridiculous, walking along the boardwalk in this dress," she replied, gesturing to her pale-blue maid-of-honor dress.

"No, just beautiful. Seth's really lucky," Ryan answered, his gaze once again on the water.

"Thank you," she answered, uneasy.

"You already know, don't you?" he asked, not looking at her.

"Don't," she replied simply.

"I love you, Summer."

"No, you don't. You can't," she answered. He looked up at her, feeling lost.

"I have for about a year. I can't be with her because I love you."

"Don't, Ryan. I...I need to call Seth and tell him I found you," she stammered, pulling her cell phone out of her purse.

"No, you don't. Can you just sit here with me for a while? I'm not ready to deal with all of this yet," he answered evenly, except this time he looked into her eyes. Summer said nothing, she just sat down next to him. After a while, he put his jacket over her shoulders and she smiled appreciatively. Finally, after minutes or hours or days of clouds building, a raindrop fell. They both looked up at the sky. Summer looked up for an answer; Ryan looked up for a sign. They should've known by now that things don't always happen the way you want them to.

* * *

**This is a four part story. I should have the second part up either tonight or tomorrow. Please read and review!**


	2. Something New

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of it.

Marissa sat up, rubbing her eyes. It was dark, but she was sure she could see the outline of someone sleeping on the couch on the other side of the room. She jumped as the rumble of thunder shook her to the core. Suddenly aware of the fact that she was sitting in a puddle of tulle, silk and hand embroidery, it all came back to her. She closed her eyes again, not wanting to deal with the fact that he had left her. And the worst part was that it wasn't the first time.

* * *

By the time Summer reached the Cohen's front door, she was soaked. Her once perfect hair was loose and plastered to her face, and her dress was stuck to her skin. Seth had seen her car pull up. He opened the door quickly. "I left you like 3 voicemails, what the...," he started, but before he could finish, Summer had thrown her arms around him, and her lips were on his. Seconds or minutes or hours passed before they parted. 

"I love you," Summer breathed, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

"I love you too,"Seth replied, a puzzled expression on his face. "Where have you been?" he asked, noticing that he was getting drenched. He pulled her inside and shut the door.

"At the beach with Ryan."

"You were with Ryan? Why didn't you call me?" Seth asked, a mixture of annoyance and anger rising in his voice.

"He asked me not to. He didn't want to see your parents. He just needs time," she replied, walking up the stairs to Seth's old room.

"Well, he can't run away from everything he does." Summer said nothing, she simply met his gaze and opened the door to his old room. "My parents brought all of our stuff here," Seth added, gesturing to the luggage in the corner of the door. Summer smiled at the sight of the room. It was going to be okay.

* * *

Seth awoke in the middle of the night, his stomach rumbling. He glanced at the clock. 2:56. He gently moved his arm from underneath Summer's sleeping form. He listened to her breathe for a minute before walking downstairs to the kitchen. He was startled to see Ryan sitting on the counter, eating a bowl of cereal. Ryan nodded to him before going back to his snack. "Hey," Seth replied, grabbing a bowl and a box of cereal. He reached into the fridge and grabbed the milk. "Mom and Dad want to talk to you," he added, putting the milk back. 

"Yeah, I know. They left me a note."

"We all know how much you love notes," Seth quipped, sitting at the counter. Ryan sighed.

"It wouldn't of been fair for me to marry her. I can't love her the way she wants me to. I'm sorry I asked you to do it," Ryan said, his voice swaying with his mood.

"Are you going to see her?" Seth asked, looking up from his cereal.

"Not tonight," Ryan answered. "Night, Seth," he added before walking out the door towards the pool house.

Seth sighed, putting his empty bowl into the dishwasher. He turned the light off and walked back upstairs. He heard Summer shift when he climbed back into bed. She took his hand into hers.

"We're supposed to go back to New York in two days," she whispered.

"I know," he replied, his free hand entangled in her hair.

"Are we still going back? I didn't know if..." she drifted, a yawn suppressing the rest of the sentence.

"I think it will be better if we go."

"For who?" she asked.

"Everyone. Everyone just needs to get back to their lives. Us included."

"Okay...," she whispered, her eyes closing. Seth was sure of it. It would be better for everyone.

* * *

Marissa woke up to the shower running. For a moment, she thought it might be Ryan. And any minute, she'd have to get up. They had a flight to catch. Honeymoon. Vows. A Dress. A very beautiful dress with a very beautiful girl in it. A very beautiful girl that had no one to marry. Twenty minutes passed before the bathroom door opened. Marissa couldn't say she was surprised it wasn't him. 

"Sweetie, why don't you take that off and get into the shower. I'll call and order some room service for you," Julie said, walking over to the vanity. Marissa nodded. She walked into the bathroom, the long train following her. She felt better once the dress was on the floor. Not so much pressure. She picked it up and hung it on the back of the door. It was a shame to let something so beautiful get ruined. Now all she had was a blur of expensive lingerie and a garter belt. And a ring. She left the ring on and stepped into the scalding water. She was hoping it would all wash down the drain, but things never happened the way they were supposed to.

* * *

Ryan woke up to the sun streaming through the pool house doors. He had forgotten to pull the shades the night before. He walked over to them and saw Seth and Summer laying out by the pool. He saw Seth wave and it made him sick to his stomach. He pulled the shades and went back to bed. After fourty five minutes of tossing and turning, he got up and took a shower. He got out and methodically got dressed. Just as he pulled a shirt over his head, he heard a knock at the door. He opened it and was surprised to see Marissa standing on the other side. He looked at her, unable to meet her gaze. She looked beautiful, so beautiful that it was obvious that she had made an effort for him. She threw her arms around him, and he couldn't do anything but embrace her back. She let go and smiled at him. He moved aside so she could enter the pool house. He closed the doors and she turned around. She opened the shades and he sat down on the bed. He could see that Seth and Summer were no longer by the pool. Marissa sat next to him. 

"We could have waited, Ryan. We were only engaged for a year, we can take another year," she started.

"Marissa..."

"And I'm sorry, I know you didn't want that wedding. We can get married on a beach, just me, you and a priest. I promise!" she added excitedly, grasping her hands.

"Did you read the note?" he asked.

"Yes, and..."

"I can't love you like you want me to, Marissa," he said, and the words hurt him. He didn't want to think about what they did to her. He had said them to Summer and Seth, but it was different, saying them to her.

"Yes you can, Ryan. I know you can. You used to," Marissa pleaded. Then sun hit her engagement ring, and the glare caught Ryan's eye. He stared at it. "I was so afraid you were going to ask for it back."

"It's yours."

"I know. I wore it here, because I was hoping we were still engaged," she added, a determined gleam in her eye.

"I can't be engaged to you," he said, noticing the tears in her eyes. "I can't be with you, Marissa. I'm sorry." she looked at him before standing up.

"I love you, Ryan," she whispered before turning and walking out of the pool house. Ryan sighed and laid back on the bed. Every word he had just said had burned his mouth. But he couldn't lie to her. He was her white knight.

* * *

That afternoon, Seth had gone to the grocery store with his father, who had hoped to cook a big dinner that night. Summer was enjoying June in California, swimming in the pool. Ryan walked out of the pool house, headed for the kitchen when he spotted her. He walked over to the deep end and sat down, dipping his feet in the water. Summer swam over to him, kicking her feet to stay afloat. She looked up at him and his eyes clouded. "What are you doing?" she asked, resting her arms on the edge of the pool.

"I was going to the kitchen to see who was around but then I saw you. I figured I'd come and say hi. You weren't around when I got in last night."

"Seth and I went to bed, it was a long day," she replied, still kicking her legs underwater.

"Yeah, Marissa came by today."

"Yeah, we saw her leaving. I'm going to see her later," Summer stated.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, Summer. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell you."

"You don't love me."

"Yes, I do. And I know you could love me," Ryan replied, staring at the ripples in the water.

"No. I love Seth. Your brother. We're friends Ryan, that's all."

"I don't believe that."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, and Ryan took his legs out of the water and stood up. He looked at her.

"It should've been me, Summer," he said, before turning around and walking into the house.

* * *

Seth walked in the door, his arms full of groceries. He found Summer sitting at the counter, a magazine in front of her. He set the groceries on the counter and kissed her forehead. She smiled up at him, but then her face turned serious. 

"I want to leave tomorrow, Seth," she whispered.

"Why?" he asked, setting things out on the counter. She stood up to help him.

"I don't want to be here anymore. It's too much," she elaborated. He was about to ask what was too much when Sandy walked in, arms full of groceries.

"Hey, Summer!" he greeted, smiling. "Kirsten should be home in about an hour, we can all start cooking then."

"Great!" Summer returned. She looked over at Seth, and her eyes let him know that she would tell him later. They finished putting the groceries away in silence.

"I'm going to talk to Ryan," Seth said, walking towards the door.

"He's in your room. He said he wanted to talk to you, I guess he's waiting up there," Summer shrugged, even though she had a feeling she knew what Ryan was going to tell him, and the thought of it terrified her.

* * *

Marissa sat by the beach, a blanket wrapped around her. Even with everything that had ever happened to her, she had never felt so lost. In high school, or maybe even college, she would've had a bottle to keep her company, but she was past that now. She was alone. She had never felt this alone in a really long time. Ryan had left her, for reasons he made clear, but she still didn't understand. Her mother was caught up with her new husband and her new house and her new everything. Seth and Summer were in New York. They were back for now, but that wasn't going to last forever. She was guessing that Ryan was going to move out of their apartment. She wondered where he would go. She figured that forgetting him would be hard, but she would do it. But she didn't want to forget him. As she touched the ring on her finger, she wanted to remember him forever. Marissa Cooper was 23, and she was alone.

* * *

Summer sat at the counter, drumming her fingernails on the marble surface. She was waiting for someone. For Sandy to come in from the patio so she could ask him what movies he rented for later on, for Kirsten to come home from shopping so they could start dinner, for Seth to come downstairs so she could have someone to play with her hair and make her laugh. For Ryan. Maybe she was waiting for Ryan to realize that it would never work out. She could've been waiting for him to remember how much he really does love Marissa. How her temper tantrums and shopping sprees with the rent money aren't really that big of a deal. She was waiting for him to remember how much he doesn't love _her._ How she has rage blackouts, which Seth was already an expert at dealing with. She was a bitch some of the time, but Seth knew that some chocolate and The Notebook could take care of that. Ryan didn't. She had a lot of flaws, but Seth loved her anyways. Ryan didn't know, but she was sure that by the time he figured them all out, he would have run back to Marissa. She was sure that she was waiting for him to realize how uneasy he made her. How whenever he looked at her with that longing, a sick feeling would creep up from her stomach. She had known about his feelings for about four months. She and Seth had flown to Newport for Kirsten's birthday. Ryan and Marissa had planned a surprise party at the house. When Kirsten was leaning over the cake, making a wish over the candles, Summer met Ryan's gaze. It was a gaze that she usually got from Seth. And it was a gaze that she didn't want from Ryan. Later on that evening, she watched Ryan get bored with Marissa. As he noticed her watching him, his eyes lit up. And Summer got that same sick feeling that she was getting today. Summer knew Ryan was telling Seth that very second. She could only imagine Seth's perfect eyes clouded with anger, his hands curled into fists. Ryan would let Seth hit him, she knew. He wouldn't fight back. Her thoughts were interrupted by Sandy walking into the kitchen. She smiled at him as he pulled a water out of the fridge. She pretended to be engrossed in the magazine in front of her, but her fingernails were keeping rhythm on the countertop none the less.

* * *

**As promised, part two. I hope you like it. And as always, please read and review!**


	3. Something Borrowed

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of it.

Seth walked up the stairs two at a time. He walked into his room and saw Ryan sitting on his old bed, reading a comic that Seth had forgotten about. "Hey," Ryan started, closing the comic.

"Hey. Summer said you wanted to talk to me," Seth answered, sitting at the desk chair. "Is this a conversation we're actually going to finish?"

"I hope so," Ryan replied, sitting on his hands.

"So..." Seth drifted as an awkward silence filled the room.

"I couldn't marry Marissa because I'm in love with someone else," Ryan blurted, staring at Seth.

"Who?" Seth asked, wide eyed. Ryan didn't say anything for a minute, an hour, a day. He stared at Seth, knowing that this was the last time he would have a conversation with his brother. The last time Seth would be interested in whatever he had to say. Finally, he looked at the ground. "Who is it, man?" Seth asked, eager to find out. Seth loved secrets, Ryan knew this. He had a feeling this was one secret Seth didn't want to hear.

"Summer."

"What?" Seth asked, a bewildered look crossing his face.

"It's Summer, Seth. I'm in love with Summer." The stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity before Ryan saw a complete range of emotions in Seth's eyes. Shock. Betrayal. Anger. Devastation. Anger. It was the betrayal that bothered Ryan the most. It was the one emotion he hadn't been ready for. Seth stood and looked down at Ryan.

"How long?"

"A year," Ryan replied, looking at the floor.

"You never said anything?" Ryan closed his eyes and said nothing. "Does she know?"

"Yes," Ryan replied, his gaze faltering, but still not falling on his brother. He was looking at Seth's hands, which curled into fists at that word. He had taught Seth how to make a fist. He was fully aware of the fact that Seth could throw a punch.

"She's known this whole time?" Seth countered, pacing back and forth.

"No. Since yesterday. At the beach." Seth laughed.

"Does Marissa know?"

"No, I couldn't tell her," Ryan replied softly. He wasn't aware of the fact that he had been shaking until that moment. Seth thought back on the previous day. Summer had come home from the beach and told him how much she loved him, how much she needed him. And when they had fallen back on his bed, he remembered her whispering, "I love you, I love you." He hoped she hadn't come home from the beach and Ryan and felt the need to prove something to herself. He turned and opened the door. He walked to the top of the stairs.

"Summer!" he yelled. Summer appeared at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at him. "Come here," he added, and she said nothing, just climbed the stairs. She tried to grab his hand, but he jerked it away. She knew then. Ryan had told him. She walked into the room and saw Ryan sitting on the bed. She sat at the desk, her legs folded under her. Seth walked into the room and slammed the door with such force that Ryan jumped and Summer's eyes widened with fear. He looked at her.

"Tell me you love me," he pleaded.

"Seth," she said, as if he should've known.

"Say it."

"I love you," she said, her eyes begging him to believe her. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, they were fixed on Ryan.

"Tell her you love her," he demanded, his eyes cold. Ryan shook his head and closed his eyes. He opened them and looked at her, her eyes now begging him not to say it.

"I love you," he said quietly, and as Seth's fist connected with Ryan's jaw, they all felt everything change.

* * *

Marissa sat on the bed in their apartment. Her apartment. His apartment. She wasn't really sure, they hadn't discussed it. She was looking at old pictures of them, trying to figure out when he had stopped loving her. She knew she shouldn't look at the pictures, but she didn't know what to do with herself. She was waiting for Summer, but her phone was shut off. She tried to call Seth, but he didn't answer. She was alone again. Looking at the pictures hurt, but they made her feel somewhat less alone. Like he was there with her, laughing at the faces they made in one photo, or telling her how pretty she looked in another. She thought of the things she would tell him. Like, what their kids would look like. Or what color she wanted to paint the living room. She could tell him that she liked his new haircut, or that she needed his help hanging a picture. She would probably tell him how pretty his eyes were. Most importantly, she'd tell him she loved him. She closed the photo album, thinking that it wouldn't have been enough.

* * *

Kirsten walked in the front door, surprised to see her husband crouched at the bottom of the stairs. She laughed. 

"Are you eavesdropping?" she asked, setting her bags down.

"They're fighting," Sandy said quietly, motioning for Kirsten to join him. They heard Seth's door fly open, and they stood and quickly moved into the doorway of the kitchen. They saw Summer walk down the stairs, dragging a suitcase behind her. It was evident that she was hysterical.

"What's going on?" Kirsten asked, alarmed. They didn't even see Seth at the top of the stairs.

"We're staying at a hotel tonight. We're going home tomorrow," he answered, dragging the rest of their bags down the stairs. He walked by Summer, bringing the bags out to his rental car.

"I'm really sorry Kirsten, Sandy," Summer said quietly, tears streaming down her face. Kirsten embraced her.

"What's the matter? Where's Ryan?" she asked, looking at Seth, who had come back inside for Summer's bag. He grabbed the handle from her hand. Summer let go of Kirsten and looked at Seth, pleading for him. He looked away and turned to his parents.

"We'll meet up tomorrow to say goodbye," he said shortly.

"Seth," Sandy demanded, but he had already gone.

"I have to go. I'm sorry," Summer whispered. She had closed the door behind her before either Kirsten or Sandy could say anything. They looked at each other. Sandy walked up the stairs.

"Ryan?" he called, receiving no reply. Kirsten followed closely behind him. Sandy opened Seth's door to find Ryan sitting on the floor, a purple bruise stretching across his jaw. Kirsten hurried over and knelt beside him. When he looked at her, she noticed the tears clouding his eyes.

"Seth did this?" she asked, examining the injury.

"He made me tell her. I didn't want to say it in front of him," Ryan explained, making no sense to the others in the room.

"Slow down. What happened?" Sandy asked, taking a seat on the bed.

"I didn't marry Marissa. Then I told Summer that I love her. Then I told Seth and he told me to say it to her, and I did. I deserved this." Sandy and Kirsten looked at each other, unable to say anything. Kirsten took her son into her arms and held him, unsure of what was to come of this.

* * *

Summer sat on the bed of the hotel room, her knees hugged to her chest. Her hair was wet from her shower. She stared at the wall, begging someone or no one to fix this. She heard the bathroom door open and she knew Seth had gotten out of the shower, but her gaze didn't falter. Seth sat on the bed next to her and stared at her. She didn't look at him. 

"Summer," he said quietly. She didn't reply. He had scared her, and she didn't like it. She understood, yes, but he didn't believe her. She didn't know everything, but she knew that. "Summer," he pleaded, his hand on hers. She pushed his hand away and looked at him.

"He's your brother," she whispered, meeting his eyes halfway.

"What did you want me to do?" he asked, sighing.

"Not that. I wanted you to talk to him. Not attack him."

"He said he's in love with you. He told you." Seth said, using everything he had to stay calm.

"You made him."

"I didn't make him do anything. He wanted to," Seth said, and Summer lowered her eyes.

"You scared me."

"I'm sorry," he said, and she knew he meant it.

"I love you, Seth. Not Ryan. You." He smiled. A small smile. She learned that you had to take what you could get.

"I know. I saw it when you looked at me," he replied, getting under the blankets. She kissed him before climbing in bed and turning off the light. "And I love you," he added, his lips buried in her shoulder.

* * *

Ryan stood at the door of the apartment, not knowing what to do . Finally he decided that the most logical choice was to knock. He knocked lightly and received no reply. He knocked harder the second time. She heard it. She opened the door and stared at him. "Marissa," he said, his eyes softening, his jaw hurting. 

"Hi, come in," she said, secretly thinking she should've been cleaning instead of throwing herself a pity party. "Sorry, I haven't really been cleaning the past couple of days."

"Oh, it doesn't really matter," he added, turning to sit on the couch, and thats when she saw it.

"What happened to you?"

"Oh, Seth...it's okay, it really doesnt hurt," he lied, meeting her stare.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, he was just mad, it's fine," Ryan answered, wishing it wasn't a lie.

"Did you come here for clothes?" she asked, hoping the answer was no.

"Well, no. But I could take some before I leave," he replied. "I need to talk to you."

"Okay, do you want a drink or something, because..."

"No, I just need to tell you," he said, the words practically strangling him.

"Tell me what?" she asked softly, sitting down next to him. It hurt her to look at him, but she couldn't stop.

"It wasn't fair..."

"You've said that a million times, Ryan." He gave her a pleading look.

"It wasn't fair for me to marry you because I'm in love with someone else," he finished. Marissa stared at him, wishing that she could press rewind and not let him in the house, or that she could fast forward and have Ryan tell her he was kidding, that he wanted to be with her forever and he was sorry he had lied. She closed her eyes, waiting for him to kiss her and tell her it was going to be alright, and then she would tell him it wasn't nice to joke with her like that. He would smile and laugh and so would she and it would be better. Somewhere along the line, Marissa realized, she would have to stop pretending and face this. All of it. She opened her eyes, surprised to find them tearless.

"Who are you in love with, Ryan?" He bit his lip.

"Summer," he said quietly, and she suddenly wished she could go back to playing pretend.

"Summer. My best friend Summer?" she asked, not liking the chances that Ryan knew two people named Summer. Ryan. Her best friend. Summer.

"Yes."

"Oh...Oh my god," she said, covering her mouth with her hand, noticing that her body was waiting for a breath, but she hadn't taken one. She breathed, and had the sudden urge to scream. "That's why Seth hit you."

"Yeah, I told him yesterday. They left, it's all a mess."

"Does she love you?" Marissa asked, bracing herself.

"I thought that maybe she could, but now I don't think so," he answered, the words burning his mouth.

"I thought that maybe you were going to say you two were running away together," Marissa added, a sad laugh escaping her mouth. Ryan smiled despite himself.

"No. I didn't want to be in love with her, Marissa. You were the one I wanted to love. I can't help it, and I'm sorry."

"You can't control who you love, Ryan," she said wistfully. "How long?" Ryan remembered Seth asking him this.

"About a year. Summer's only known since yesterday. I couldn't lie to you, Rissa," he said, looking her in the eye. she had nothing left to ask, to say, so she stood up. She liked to think that she understood love, and fate. But she sure as hell didn't understand this. She knew for sure that Summer would never hurt her, and that Ryan always tried his best not to. She knew this wasn't intentional. She thought that maybe Seth felt bad for hurting Ryan, but that she wasn't completely sure of. She was certain that Summer felt badly about it all, but Marissa didn't know how she was going to face her after this. She was positive that she could, but right then, she didn't know how. Every bone in Marissa's body was jealous, hurt, angry.

"Ryan...," she drifted, looking at him. He looked up at her, waiting. "Thank you. For not pretending." He gave her a small smile and stood. "You should get some clothes," she finished, walking into the bedroom. He followed her, and when he arrived, she had already begun taking things out of the drawers. Thats when he saw the tears falling. He turned her around and embraced her, sorry for what he had done. She cried into his shoulder, not remember when the last time she had done it. It could've been last week, last month, last year. They broke apart minutes later, Marissa wiping off her face and Ryan putting his clothes into a bag.

"You should get some sleep," he said distractedly, noticing it was getting late.

"Ryan, I know this sounds silly, but can you lay with me until I fall asleep?" she asked, and he nodded. He wanted to turn around when she changed out of her clothes, but she laughed, "It's nothing you haven't seen before." He kept his gaze on the carpet, the one that had installed a month before. When he looked up again, she was under the blankets. He climbed into the bed, struck by how natural it should've been. Should've. He laid next to her, his arms wrapped carefully around her. He couldn't remember a time when she had ever felt so fragile, breakable. And it scared him. She turned off the light and when she was left in the dark, with him but still alone, the tears came again. He heard them but didn't know what to do. He stroked her hair, her back, and whispered how he was sorry, how it would be okay. When none of it helped, he returned to something borrowed from the past. Something he had returned before.

"A boy and a girl," he whispered, his face resting on her shoulder. She sniffled.

"What?" she asked, even though she knew exactly what he was doing.

"We'd have to move, because they wouldn't want to share a room. I think the boy would've been older, you know, to protect her." Marissa closed her eyes and listened. This was probably the most terrible thing they could be discussing, but somehow, it made her feel better. It made everything okay. And the last thing Marissa heard before she fell asleep was how their daughter would have had his eyes and her hair.

* * *

**So, I'm not entirely happy with this, but here it is. I'll probably have the last part up tomorrow. Please review!**  



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